"Protect When You Must, But Permit When You Can"

Steinberg Ch. 6: Protect When You Must, But Permit When You Can

-Its good to have guidelines and structure for when your child requests something new or out of the ordinary.
-For these types of situations where you don't know what the right answer is, remember this: Protect when you must, but permit when you can.

*What does that mean?

-Maximize your child's autonomy so long as it doesn't jeopardize his health, well-being, or future.
-To make the best decision, run through this checklist:

1.  Is what my child wants to do dangerous?
-Done let them do dangerous things.  If you can modify an activity to eliminate the danger, thats fine, but otherwise, be cautious.

2.  Is what my child wants to do unhealthy?
-Don't let them create habits out of unhealthy things.

3.  Is what my child wants to do illegal or immoral?
-How you respond when your child asks about legal or moral dilemmas is important.
-Children will often mention things about lying, cheating, shoplifting, trespassing, ect.

4.  Is what my child wants to do likely to lead to trouble?
-Most risk-taking and dangerous experimental behavior happens when friends get together and there is no adult around.

5.  If something goes wrong, are the consequences irreparable or difficult to undo?
-Children don't think through long-term ramifications.
-If your child will suffer in the future for a decision she makes now, you should intervene.

*Are there situations where your child needs to make a decision that will have long-term effects and you shouldn't intervene even if you think they might make/be making the wrong choice?

-If you need time to think about your decision, let the child know and also give them a time that you'll have the decision by.
-Explain your conclusions.
-Its better to be a thoughtful parent than be indulgent or restrictive merely on principle or just for the sake of consistency.
-Take each situation case-by-case.