Can You Be Too Loving?

Steinberg Ch. 2

-It is not possible to spoil a child with love.

-"Spoiling" is giving a child things in place of love.

-Children who feel loved are less needy and more secure.

-The foundation of a good relationship between parent and child is emotional and physical, not intellectual.

-Physical touch stimulates physical growth, reduces stress, and helps the immune system function better.  It also helps stimulate brain development.

-Create your own opportunities for affection, but don't disregard their feelings of being "grown up".

-Praising children

1.  Phrase your reactions in ways that praise the specific accomplishment.

2.  Focus your praise on the link between the accomplishment and the effort your child exerted.

3.  Tie your praise to the quality of the accomplishment, not to the grade or rating it has received from someone else.

4.  If you feel you must compare your child's performance to something, compare it to her previous level of accomplishment and not to the accomplishments of others.

-Responding to emotional needs:

1. Infancy: sense of security

2. Toddlerhood: Independence

3.  Early Childhood: Begin envisioning themselves as grow up participants in the larger society. "What can I do to help my child feel more grown up"?

4.  Elementary School:  Feel competent.  "How can I help my child feel for capable"?

5.  Early Adolescence: Independence.  "How can I help my teenager feel more independent"?

6. Late Adolescence: Needs help finding what kind of person he/she is.  "How can I help my adolescent understand himself/herself better"?

-Providing a safe haven:

-Children should feel that home is a place where they can relax and escape from problems.

-The relationship you have with your spouse contributes the most to the emotional climate of the home.  This is also true for parent/sibling relationships.

-Predictability is key.  Routines are good.

-Strive to keep outside sources of stress away from home (work problems).

-Don't over-schedule your child with extra circulars. 

-Give reassurance to your child when it comes to tragedies in the world.  "Its not going to happen to you".

While reading "You Cannot Be Too Loving" ponder the following questions:

1. Does this support or refute Kohn's claims from his book? In what way?

2. What does Steinberg say that supports Elder Lynn G. Robbin's teachings?  (You might have to go back and review the talk to make these connections)

3. Finally, talk to at least one parent (other than your own) and ask them their philosophy on the following questions:

-Can you spoil your child with love?

-Is it important to frequently express physical affection?  Why or why not?

-How should we praise a child's accomplishments?

-Do children have emotional needs and should we respond to them?  Why or why not?