Intentional Parenting

WHAT YOU DO MATTERS CH 1 (Steinberg)

-"By 'mindful' parenting, I mean parenting that is intentional, where the consequences of your actions toward your child are the ones you've actually intended, rather than those that just happened by chance".

3 Types of Situations:

1. You have plenty of time to think through what you want to do before you act.  Think before you act.

-ex: Making a junior high child continue piano lessons even thought they want to quit.

2.  You need to react on the spot but nevertheless have a little time to think before responding.  Resist the impulsive reaction 

-ex: Teenager comes home from a party and says other kids were drinking, or your two year old refuses to eat what you've served for dinner.

3.  You think mindful parenting is least useful--you have no time to think and you have to act reflexively.  Mindful parents act instinctively, and usually their instincts are right because they understand the basic principles of good parenting.

-ex: toddler throwing temper tantrum, or catching your teenager smoking marijuana.  

-"When your parenting is thoughtful, your child is more likely to be better adjusted, and when your child is well-adjusted, it's considerably more fun to be a parent than when your child is having lots of problems and you're upset with how things are going".

-"When you can, parent proactively rather than reactively".

-"There is a big difference between saying that a child's character is influenced by his genes and saying that it is determined by them".

-"The way a child is nurtured influences how his or her genetic nature is expressed".

-"You cant choose when or whether to be your child's role model.  Whether you like it or not, your child is always learning by watching you".

-"You can influence your child's friends by influencing your child's interests".

-"Children are much more affected by the enduring conditions of their home environment than by isolated events, even when those events are dramatic ones".

-Figure out your own parenting vulnerabilities.                                                                                                     

-Admit mistakes to your spouse and child and apologize.

*What parallels can you draw between Michael Jordan's preparation and mindfulness and Steinberg's section onBeing a Mindful Parent?

-Understanding your own weaknesses and turning them into strengths.  Knowing about the other players and teams and their weaknesses and playing knowing those things.  Be flexible and be where your needed, don't just try to be the star player.  Teamwork.  Always learn and work hard.

*Why do you think that some people are so intentional and deliberate about so many things in life and fail to apply this to parenting?

Parenting is a life-long processes and you're constantly learning.  There's no handbook or instruction manual and you have to learn as you go.  A lot of the things that people are deliberate about don't have long term affects. 

*How do college students fall into the trap of giving a lot of thought about what they want in their future, but less thought about what they should be doing to actually help this happen?

They don't always understand how an essay or a test or a project is going to help them in the long-run.  They think so short-term and about what they need to get done now, that they don't see the long-term affects and they may not put the effort into that they need to to make those short term things last them in the long run.