Punishment

Steinberg Ch. 8

*Should Children Be Punished?

-"There are only three basic ways to get your child to change his behavior when he's done something you disapprove of: punish him, reward him for some desirable alternative behavior, or explain why what he did was wrong and tell him how you'd like him to behave the next time."
-"The important question about punishment, or about almost any disciplinary technique, for that matter, is not whether the technique should be used, but when and how."

-The ways to punish children fall into two categories:
1.  Power assertion:  When you use the power advantage you have over your child with things like time-out, privilege deprivation, spanking, and yelling.
-Only effective if you have power over your child--this will work better for young children and less for teenagers.
2.  Love withdrawal: Making your child feel sad, guilty, or ashamed for having disappointed or angered you with things like silent treatment, acting cold or aloof, telling your child that you're upset at what he did or that he disappointed you.
-Only works if your child cares about your parent-child relationship enough to feel sad, guilty, ect.

-"The first rule of effective punishment is that any punishment must be unpleasant to be effective."  You have to make them feel bad enough that they will stop the behavior.
-"To be effective, punishment has to be administered consistently."  Consistency is more important than the form of punishment.
-Punishment must be administered quickly after the misdeed.  With young children, this will prevent them from being confused about the reason they're being punished.
-"It's pointless to punish your child halfway, and actually cruel to do so, because all you will have done is make your child feel bad, but not quite bad enough to have any lasting impact."
-If you feel bad about punishing your child, remember this: "the more effectively you use punishment, the less you'll have to do it".

    a. Is there anything about Steinberg's claim in this section that you disagree with?

I disagree VERY much with a lot of what Steinberg claims in this section of chapter 8.  I disagree that there are only two ways to punish children, I disagree that there are only two categories of punishment, and most especially I disagree that you have to make children feel bad to make them behave well.  How are you supposed to determine as a parent that your child "feels bad enough" or that they "feel bad enough" that that behavior will never happen again?  I think that's a ridiculous notion.

    b. What do you think Kohn would say about Power Assertion and Love Withdrawal?

I think Kohn would say that both of these techniques are ineffective.  The very fact that Steinberg says punishment has to be consistent shows that the techniques being used each time are not as effective as some other ones may be.  I think Kohn would point that out.

    c. What do you say about it?

I hated this section a lot.  I think it's very close minded and is focused on what the easiest solutions are rather than the most effective in the long-run.

    d. Are there any Principles of Unconditional Parenting that might be particularly helpful at eliminating unwanted behavior? 

The main principle of Unconditional Parenting of "working with" your children in discipline rather than using "doing to" strategies such as punishment or reward.